Child Abuse Prevention Month...Day 11. Expectations...

Child Abuse Prevention Month...Day 11.  Expectations...

...expectations can be major friction points in any relationship. In a parent-child relationship, friction points can cause an all-out firestorm.  This kind of firestorm is actually quite preventable...

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Child Abuse Prevention Month...Day 10. "What are you trying to tell me?!"

Child Abuse Prevention Month...Day 10.  "What are you trying to tell me?!"

This approach may take extra effort and patience on a parent's part, but it is time well spent in that it builds connection and defuses potentially volatile situations. The connection this approach builds is cumulative and things just get better and better and better.

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From the Whisper-du-Jour Archive: A Hallowe'en Post: Food "fights"

Happy Hallowe'en ! 

Hallowe'en can be a tricky holiday (no pun intended ~ really!).  It's a lot of fun, but it can also be a great source of struggle and unhappiness. The struggle comes from parents' concerns and even fears around the giant influx of candy (with all that sugar and food-additive chemicals and artificial food colors and long, unpronounceable chemical names). If part of our parenting style includes restricting our kids' food choices, then we may approach this holiday with dread and loathing. Pretty scary stuff!

From our kids' perspective, they "earned" their candy, and with it, the right to indulge freely, even if they have already heard all about candy's inherent "dangers."

There is a fine line between "warn" and "inform," and our children definitely feel this subtle difference.

When we inform, we impart useful information and then we trust our kids to make the right choice for them in the moment. And, the right choice for your child may be to eat all the candy he possibly can on Hallowe'en night. He will then have the benefit of experiencing--first-hand--how that choice feels. Without your interference, he can learn and respect his own body's limitations and preferences for the right reasons, and with your loving support, he can make better choices in the future, based on that experience.

When we warn, we unwittingly create mystery surrounding the thing we are warning them about, perhaps making it appear more attractive and alluring to our kids. Our kids then may proceed to covertly consume the thing that we are trying to protect them from. We either deprive them of the experience of learning about that thing first-hand, or we push them underground to sneak it, and this erodes trust both ways, and we don't get to support them when they learn a lesson that's painful. 

If your kids are used to you warning and restricting, letting up on the reins of control may be confusing and perhaps even a little frightening to your kids, so go slowly. Know that it will be a transition, and there may be some over-indulging at first as kids figure out how to live with fewer restrictions and enjoy the feeling of being trusted. It's quite worthwhile, though. There is so much to gain from a more trusting relationship ~ now and most certainly in the future!!


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Thank you so much for reading!

Be well and be kind,

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